A friend of mine just started a blog about parenting her son who's been diagnosed with Aspergers and one of her first posts is a brilliantly simple way to help kids who struggle with eye contact which is very common for children who haven't formed appropriate attachments. It was one of the earliest signs for our daughter, showing up when she was just an infant. Interestingly enough, kids that struggle with attachment issues and kids with Aspergers share many of the same traits which can open up a whole new world of play therapy ideas and resources. Of course, it's important to remember that the reason behind the behaviors are different, so you have to be discerning in what will transfer well.
I digress. Heather helped her then 4 year old son work on eye contact by putting a sticker on her face. When her son noticed it she would ask him a question. If he answered the question he got to keep the sticker, but if not she just put it away for later. She wisely did not make it a battle and rather a fun game. You can read her entire post here.
Other great ideas I've learned about for helping with eye contact:
Offer a sweet treat, like ice cream, when your child looks at your eyes you feed them a bite. Even if your child is well past the age of needing to be fed it's important you do it yourself to help create a bond and a happy experience that relates directly to having intimacy with you.
Play a teamwork game using only your eyes for direction. For instance, you could put a cotton ball on the floor and have a code using your eyes. When you blink once it's your child's turn to blow on the ball and when it's your turn you blink twice. Time yourselves to see how quickly you can get the cotton ball over the finish line.
With our very small children we would put their hands on our temples before we spoke.
Make sure you use a lot of positive reinforcement when your child starts to improve and use eye contact on their own. It's a huge struggle for them and a big sign that they are engaging. On that same note, your eyes say a lot so make sure you are looking at them kindly and with love.
On a personal note, I have a vivid memory of the first time my daughter looked up at me to see if a situation was safe for her. She was 3 and we were in the grocery store. A man approached her and started talking with her. She reached up, grabbed my hand and looked at my eyes. It's one of the things I took for granted with my other children, but with her it was the first outward sign that she believed I would and could protect her. It's a moment I cherish and I will never forget. Now, she has moved well past that and even recognizes what my facial expressions mean and will respond appropriately (ie. the 'mom' look).
I'm sure there are tons of great ideas for helping kids learn to make eye contact, so if you have any please share in the comments. I know everyone would appreciate the suggestions.
