Sometimes I'm keenly aware of how different parenting a RADling is, but last week I had a moment that made me realize something I haven't actively thought about in a while. I went out to dinner with two women I adore. While we were chatting one of my friends commented to the other that I often put M on my lap and play with her hair instinctively/mindlessly. It was a fair assumption. I would assume the same, but it's not true. In that moment I realized that I gave up the luxury of doing anything without thought the day we found out M had RAD. We have to think about everything. Her activities, the way we phrase things, the way we play, when and how we touch her, her sleep, her activities, her friends, the way her room is set up, who can babysit, the foods she eats, etc. There is no aspect of her life, and by proxy, our lives that has not been impacted by RAD. I'm not saying it to complain. I love my little RADling intensely and I feel blessed (most of the time) to get to be the one who sacrifices for her, and I feel incredibly blessed to live in a time and place where we are aware of RAD and there is support for us and her. That being said, it is a reality of parenting a child with attachment issues. I hope over time she will continue to heal and it will be less and less necessary, but for now it's part of the deal. I get to parent an amazing little girl and when I think about it that way it seems like a small price to pay.
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