M has been showing signs this week that she is starting to regress. In the past these "episodes" have lasted for a months at a time and can be very disheartening for us. It's exhausting and just thinking about it makes me feel a bit overwhelmed. Still, it comes with the territory and I know that the Lord will cary us through this just like He has every other time.
I know that for myself, expectations are everything. I was shocked and very upset this morning when M displayed a behavior I haven't seen in her in a while. I have a tendency to think that I've earned/worked my way out of dealing with these things again, which is of course ridiculous and illogical, but a personal struggle nonetheless. So, as I'm preparing myself for what likely to come and trying to figure out what we need to change to deal with it I need to be constantly reminded of one thing:
It's not personal.
The truth is her behaviors, and her desire to push me away is not personal, it has nothing to do with me. She is reacting to trauma she didn't ask for and has no ability to process at this age. That in no way excuses me or her from addressing her sin, but I have to keep telling myself the truth to be the best mom I can for her. I need to understand it from a clinical point so that I can approach it in practical and applicable ways and as soon as I start letting my emotions cloud my judgement I stop doing that.
Praying for you and M. I know it's so hard sometimes (coming from a lifelong regressor is probably hypocritical at best), but take heart! You're already a step ahead this time in knowing it's coming, which technically gives you an advantage...and if all else fails, there's always day drinking.;)
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