To diagnose or not to diagnose

I have received small amount of criticism for having M diagnosed. Turns out almost everyone has an opinion on the topic. And opinions run deep when it comes to a small child being diagnosed with a emotional disorder. Since everyone else is happy to share their thoughts I will too.  

For starters, I think it's really important to know why you're seeking a diagnosis. My husband and I feel strongly that a diagnosis is really nothing more than a shorthand to describe a set of symptoms that are all related. It's not an opportunity for us to offer an excuse for M's behavior or for us to throw our hands up and say it's not our fault. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. Understanding how M's brain works tells us how we can respond to and love her. There are also practical reasons for diagnosing. Insurance might cover therapies, you might get access to support and help that you can't get without a diagnosis. That being said, I also have no issue with people acting on the notion that their child has a diagnosis assuming they see the signs, they are seeing results with treating that child as though they had been diagnosed, and so long as they are not medicating. 

Can I tell you as a mom who knew that something serious was happening with my child, having people make the assumption that I was looking for an excuse was hurtful at a time that I already felt a bit crazy? If you know a mom who confides in you that something is going on with their child, whatever that may be, offer support. I'm not saying you can't be honest, but don't send her an article that says that whatever diagnosis she thinks might fit her child is not a real thing, or assume that she's has ulterial motives for seeking help. I don't know any parents who wouldn't love to be proven wrong when it comes to things like this and if they are right they are going to need all the people in their corner that they can get.