It happens here too...

 

My RAD daughter, M was 2 months old when she came to us and if I had a dollar for every time someone asked how it's possible a child that came to us so young could have attachment issues I could buy Disneyland. I get it though. Typically, when you say attachment disorder people imagine a child who was in a foreign orphanage for the first 5 years, or a foster child that was bounced around and severely neglected. And that's assuming they've ever heard of attachment disorders in the first place. Honestly, I have spoken to psychologists who don't even know what it is. 

I was no exception. When I first became a foster parent I assumed attachment issues were not going to be a problem because I was only fostering babies. I did know that something was not right, but I thought that the signs I was seeing were sensory issues due to drug exposure. 

When I talk to foster or adoptive moms and I tell them that my child has an attachment disorder they are usually quick to tell me that their child also struggled to attach. Of course, not all of them turned into a disorder, but I am compelled to believe that attachment struggles are the rule and not the exception. Even in the best of circumstances the child has experienced a loss and they need time (and help!) to adjust. If you add to that the trauma that foster children have endured it's even more likely they will struggle. 

I truly believe that we should just assume that kids will need help attaching and we should be proactive. The reality is that if you have a child that does not struggle you are only going to increase the bond between you. There is no down side to using most attachment therapies and there is a huge risk in waiting to see if your child is going to attach without intervention. 

As for us, we had become much more informed by the time our youngest (M's biological sister, with nearly the same history) came along. We began using strategies to help her attach immediately and we saw a huge difference in how she attached to us.