There have been many studies that show how important touch is to humans. They've shown that premature babies in the NICU that are held with skin-to-skin contact maintain healthier stats, grow faster and get well more quickly than their counterparts. There was a study done in a nursing home with the residents the staff found to be more difficult. The staff began touching the usually unhappy patience while they were talking to them. Within a week the staff reported seeing a marked difference in the residence. There are countless other examples of how miraculous the human touch is and it's no different for children with attachment disorders.
We know that children who are not touched do not grow as quickly and can even have smaller brains in extreme cases. It's also true that it's sometimes very hard to be physically affectionate with a child who will often reject it, but it's one of the most healing things we can do. Here are some suggestions on how to implement it into daily life. Note: these suggestions are intended for young children (infant to preschool age) you may need to modify them for older children.
~Daily massage. You can get information from the library, watch youtube videos (search for baby massage), or take a class, but it's not necessary. The important thing is you do it in the least stimulating environment possible and that you talk to the child only enough to keep them calm. It's best to use lotion or oil without a smell and keep lighting low. Expect your child to try to stimulate themselves by attempt to talk, move, distract you, etc. but keep doing it anyway. It will get better over time.
~Try time-in instead of time-out. Have your child sit by your feet so that you can touch them while keeping them removed for a situation.
~Always hug after disciplining. Give your child a real, genuine hug. Get on their level and tell them in a soft gentle voice that you love them.
~Use your fingers to draw on their backs or hands. These can be great for children who are old enough to recognize shapes or letters to work on higher-level-thinking at the same time they are getting physical touch.
~Play with their hair. Brush their hair for longer than necessary, run your fingers through their hair while your reading with them, and if you have girls "practice" different braids and hairstyles while you talk.
~Invest in a baby carrier and wear your baby, toddler or preschooler as much as possible. It can feel strange with the older kids but it's a wonderful way of keeping them close and offering them fewer opportunities to get into trouble. Plus, hugging, kissing, back rubbing and talking to your child is second nature when they're strapped to you.
A few things to keep in mind:
If your child has been sexually traumatized you are going to have to modify the way you approach touch in general but you can also use these as teaching opportunities to remind your child who can touch them and where it's appropriate. I would suggest you have your child wear clothes when doing massages and it may be best to only have mom do them. For a while you will probably need to stick to only touching non-trigger areas such as their arms.
If your child tells you it hurts it probably does. Children with attachment disorders often have a very high pain tolerance and a very low affection tolerance. It's not going to be easy but you have to work through it. Just keep using gentle touching and keep hugging them anyway. If you wait for them to be able to accept it you will never make progress. This is not the kind of problem that self-resolves.
On the same note, your child may not want to hug you in the typical way and you may need to let them start by backing into you and allowing you to hug them. This is them needing control and to feel like they can get out if they need to. It's important to honor this for a time while working towards a reciprocal hug.
Lastly, touch is wonderful for all children. They don't need to have had a trauma to benefit from these things.
I'm sure there are many more suggestions of how to implement touch into daily life. Please feel free to leave suggestions for me and other parents in the comments.
No comments:
Post a Comment