I find that non-traditional consequences for younger children are much more difficult than they are for older children. Little ones need immediate feedback and don't have the logical ability that older kids do. Still, I think there are some options. Most of these are applicable to preschool age kid, but some may work for toddlers too.
Keeping their space cleaned up:
Toddlers can absolutely clean up after themselves. To make it practical for our kids we have a basket in the family room. Inside the basket are plastic baggies each with a separate activity. We have our kids pick one activity at a time and put it away before they get a new one.
Around 2 years old our kids become responsible for their own toys. From the time they could crawl they've been helping us clean up the toys in their room so they are perfectly capable of handling it on their own at 2. The key is having a place for everything and having those places accessible for little hands. It's also very important that you don't give your kids more stuff than they can care for themselves. If your kids just pull all their toys off the shelves without playing with anything they are showing you signs that they are overstimulated. We have a large tupperware bucket that toys get switched in and out of. At certain times in our kids lives they could only handle a very small amount of toys. Honor that. We also have small baskets with toys in rooms they don't go into often (like my office) so that if they are in there the toys are novelties.
2 side notes about this: Choose your toys carefully. It's much better for kids to have traditional toys (blocks, train tracks, dress up clothes, legos) that allow them to pretend and imagine rather than stuff that lights up and makes sounds.
If you're like us, and you have a large family that spoils your kids for birthdays and Christmas, ask them to offer your kids experiences instead. A zoo membership, a trip to an indoor play area, passes to the local pool, etc.
Hitting:
Have them sit on their hands or put them inside their shirt as a physical reminder. Afterwards, have them hug the other child and say something kind about them.
Costing the family time with poor behavior:
Have the child pay back wasted time. If we are on the way to a fun activity we will have our little one sit out for the first couple of minutes if the behavior happened just before we left. They might have to sit in the front of the grocery cart like a baby instead of walking with the big kids, or they can sit in "time-out" in the car with their hand in their lap and without talking. Side note: their time does not begin until they are calm and in control of their emotions. If the consequence is for 3 minutes but it takes my child 15 minutes to have a good attitude they will sit for 18 minutes. It does them no good to have a discipline if they spend the whole time feeling sorry for themselves and they leave still not in control of their emotions.
Refusing to eat:
I firmly believe that if you make food an issue, food becomes an issue. You do not want to get into a power struggle with your child over food because it's a battle you cannot win. If your child is not eating well you can do a couple of things to help.
~ First, only put healthy food on your child's plate. Otherwise, your kiddos only going to eat the stuff they like and you're going to start a battle.
~Second, believe your little one when they say they're done. By trying to force the issue you may be overriding their internal regulations. If one of my kids takes 2 bites of dinner and says they're done, I say "No problem, honey. Breakfast is in the morning." (They are still required to sit at the table with the family though.)
~ Third, if your child is not eating meals do not give snacks. They are not going to starve and you help prevent unhealthy habits, like grazing.
~Fourth, include them in the shopping and cooking. If they can tell dad that they picked the celery at the store and helped mommy make the salad they are going to be much more likely to eat it.
~Fifth, make it fun. I once did respite care for a foster child that only ate 3 things- none of them healthy. I decided that for the week he was with us I would not offer any of those foods, but we made everything a game. C was 3 at the time and he was gagging down broccoli, but he kept asking for more because we were pretending that he was a dinosaur eating a tree. The next day he asked me if he could eat more trees.
~ Last, do not make special meals unless it's medically necessary. You are not a short order cook, your a mom and it's good for your kids to try different things. Plus, it makes it far less awkward when you're at a friends house if you don't have to say my child will only eat mac'n'cheese with carrots.
Using inappropriate language/being disrespectful:
Have them physically hold their mouth closed. (Make sure your child knew that the word they used was inappropriate before you give the consequence. If they are just repeating something they heard tell them what the word means and tell them it's not okay to use it again. It's not fair to them to discipline if they didn't know what they did was wrong.)
Whining:
Make up a whining song. I recommend using the tune to a Barney song or something similar. Any time your kiddo starts whining you start singing.
for any behaviors
Restitution:
Have them offer something as restitution. They can help mom with a chore, offer another child a beloved toy, allow the other child to pick the next activity.
Side note: kids learn big words the same way they learn small words- by hearing them in context. All of our kids know what restitution means- even our 2 year old.
Time in:
Have your child sit next to you on the floor instead of away from you in another room. Instead of telling our child why they're in time-in we have them sit with us until they are calm and can tell us why they had to sit down. They know they will be sitting for as long as it takes, so this encourages them to start using the logical parts of their brain (rather than their lower brain) to figure out what happened.
Blanket time:
We have had great success doing blanket time with our littles. It's meant to prevent issues rather than disciplining for them. It gives them physical boundaries for themselves and their toys. They each have a small quilt (crib size) they lay on the family room floor and they each pick an activity from our activity bucket. It really helps when we see that they are overwhelmed and having a hard time with self control. Because they each have their own blanket with their own toys it also helps keep them from fighting.
Repeat good behavior:
ie. your child throws a toy. You have them practice placing the toy nicely 15 times.
Some things to remember:
~It's important to discipline with your child's emotional, rather than actual, age in mind.
~Keep calm. Part of the point of discipline is letting your child know that you are in control. If you seem out of control with your actions or words you will defeat the purpose.
~Don't threaten your kids with discipline. All you do when you make threats is give them a timeline for when they actually need to obey. If you ask them to do something expect them to do it the first time and give the consequence if they don't.
~Catch your kids doing well. No matter how small the act is, let them know you see them and let them hear you brag about them to your spouse, family and friends.
~Be funny and silly. Sometimes you can instantly defuse a situation by making them laugh. It doesn't mean that your child didn't learn a lesson, you just taught them in a different way.
If your child sees discipline as an opportunity to wrap you into a power struggle take the power back by
*Most of these are things I've read about over the years in books and on blogs. Unfortunately, I don't have the references to give them proper credit.
Do you have anything to add? Disciplines you use or you have seen work for others? Please include them in the comments. I beg you. ;)
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