Sometimes the feeling is mutual...

The process of becoming a foster or adoptive parent is not for the faint of heart. It's grueling, frustrating, trying, and sometimes an extremely expensive process but you keep reminding yourself that at the end of it all you will have a precious child in your home to love. Finally, the long awaited call comes and the next thing you know a tiny little person is on their way. You're thrilled. Suddenly, all of the paper work, the classes the endless prying seems like a distant memory. You bring this long-awaited child into your home. You call family and friends, you take a million pictures and you start settling into your new normal.

But sometimes, all of the emotions you were expecting don't come. Not surprisingly, it happens more with children who are struggling to connect and attach to you. Having this little person you've dreamed about suddenly reject you and push you away at every turn is painful. To top that off, you're sleep deprived and the baby (or toddler) that you couldn't wait to hold cries inconsolably for hours at a time. You talk to other moms about it and they all tell you that this is normal and things will get better. 

The truth is on your hardest days you may start wondering you've made a huge mistake. It's common to feel resentment towards people or agencies you feel should have better prepared you. You're not crazy and you shouldn't feel badly or ashamed. But you also can't allow yourself to stay in that place. You have to begin to work through those emotions. So here are 3 suggestions to get you started.

Fake it till you make it. This one is hard at times but you need to continue caring for and loving on your little one. I promise the emotions will follow. 

Confide in someone. Find one or two people you can be honest with, who won't judge you, and who will encourage you until you fall madly in love with your kiddo (and you will!). 

Ask for help. Let you mom come over and hold the baby while you take a nap. Let your neighbor fold a load of laundry and take your church fellowship up on it when they offer to bring you meals. 

Don't let anyone make you feel badly. The truth is I have 5 children and I was a foster parent for 4 years. Every child I have ever had whether biological or fostered I have bonded with differently and it wasn't always instantaneous (even with my birth children). It doesn't make you a bad mom if you don't hear angels sing every time you see their face.
 And I'll tell you one more thing, it's not "normal". It really is harder. You're not crazy. And there is hope.